In the Wind Page 12
Our rhythms setting each other off, we both come. I hide my face in the sheets, soaking in every pleasurable wave. I want to forget the last nine months. The pain, anger, and grief. I want to be the old Sawyer who feared nothing. Life was so damn easy for me until one day it wasn't. Losing Jace and Pop made me a weak bitch, but I want to break free from my depression.
Yet, I can't apparently. I roll onto my back and look up at Jace. He's still so beautiful, but he's different. Wider shoulders, longer hair, colder eyes, he isn't my Jace anymore.
The walls close in on me the way they did when Pop died. Everything seems too bright and loud. I can't concentrate. Panicking, I think I'm suffocating.
I feel like I'm moving, but the world only spins. Nothing registers for a long time as I struggle to breathe. When my vision settles, I'm sitting with my head pressed against my knees. In this position, I'm forced to breathe slower. Rather than suffocating, I was hyperventilating just like at the hospital with Pop.
Calming, I feel Jace's fingers on the back of my neck, caressing the damp skin. I fear looking at him and seeing all those changes. This new world with no Pop and a new Jace scares the shit out of me. No amount of fucking will fix my fears either.
"What happened?" he asks, leaning me back on the bed.
"You're different, and I'm not. I'm still the Sawyer I was before the world shit on my life. I haven't adjusted. You'd think with all my talk that I'd have a handle on my crap by now."
Jace says nothing. He hates these deep talks, and I don't blame him. Actions can be altered, but feelings can't be controlled.
"Stay with me," I say as he pulls a blanket over me.
"Nowhere else I want to be."
"No talking though."
"Nothing to say."
"No, there isn't," I murmur.
Jace reaches over for the remote and turns on the TV. We find a crappy Syfy movie and half watch it. We're both thinking and wishing we weren't feeling.
Even loving Jace, I don't trust him. Maybe I never will. Can we rebuild without trust? Are we bound to fail if I can't forget the day he left me? I know the answers suck, so I focus on the shitty movie rather than the man wrapping me in his arms.
Chapter 26
Jace
Liar
Sawyer has lost her damn mind! A fuck and a freak out later, she still plans to go on her date with Stanley. Nope, not going to happen.
I can't lose my temper in front of her though. She's still frazzled from her panic attack. We're resting in bed when she tells me about her date. Hiding in my head finally comes in handy since I show her no reaction.
"What time?" I ask, playing with her wild curls.
"In thirty minutes. I should get ready."
Sawyer doesn't move, but I do. Sliding gently out from behind her, I walk to the closet and find a clean pair of jeans. I search my bag for something else and return to bed.
"You look tired," I say, caressing her cheek. "Even with all the naps."
Smiling, Sawyer's waiting for me to say something about Stanley. Words aren't my strong suit, so I snap the handcuff on her wrist. Sawyer doesn't react until the second one is locked to the bedpost. I wonder if she thought the cuffs were my way of hinting for more sex.
"What?" she asks, choosing to be confused.
"I fucked up when I left you, and we're not really unfucked yet. I know all that, but you aren't going out with this guy. Or any guy. You've been mine for too long for you to stop."
"You fucked other women!" she yells, yanking at the cuffs.
"One woman and I had to fake coming. Guys should never fucking fake it, but there I am faking it because I'm not with you."
"Bullshit," she mutters. "Guys can't fake it."
"Sure, they can," I say, standing up and finding a shirt. "I just made a lot of grunting noises and pulled out like I was done. I wasn't really hard anyway. Lucky, I didn't fall out already."
"You're bullshitting me."
"Sounds like it, but nope. Totally true. I tried fucking one chick at a bar first. I was drunk and kissing her and I hated it. I figured maybe I needed a real relationship with a girl who didn't call me Jack while we were making out."
Sawyer wants to laugh at me, but she's too angry. I pull the shirt over my head and continue telling my story.
"I dated Kristie Dees for a week and ended up faking an orgasm like a schmuck. Couldn't get my dick to work right with her. So I stopped trying to fuck girls, but I couldn't tell anyone and look like a pussy around the club guys."
"Loser," she laughs, still trying to get loose from the handcuffs.
"Says the lying bitch with the two guys in one night bullshit."
Sawyer flips me off with her free hand. I shove my feet into boots and run my hands through my mostly dry hair.
"I'm going to get rid of Stanley. Once he's gone, I'll let you loose. You can kick my ass or fuck me until my hips break. I don't care which, but you're not going out with him. Not with your pussy filled with my seed."
"I could douche and clean myself out, if you think that would help."
This time, I flip her off. Sawyer smiles, but she's also pissed. Taking a swipe at me when I bring her a drink and her phone, she even tries fake crying to manipulate me.
"Be back in awhile."
"Fucker, I'm going to stick your dick in a food processor and turn it into a nutritional shake!"
Laughing, I close the door behind me before heading downstairs.
Chapter 27
Sawyer
I Just Wanna Be Mad
A few minutes of struggling leads to nothing, so I grab my phone and dial Colbie. She sounds drunk, but claims she's coming to save me. I hear the twins coming from halfway across the house. They're like a herd of wild, drunk horses.
Colbie throws open the door, nearly falling she enters so quickly. Bodie follows her, and both women stare with their mouths full of what smells like barbecue.
"Get me loose."
"Hold on," Bodie says, hurrying out of the room.
"Did he fuck and run?" Colbie asks, stepping closer. "I'd be embarrassed if the love of my life left me handcuffed naked to a bed. Horribly embarrassed."
"Shut up and get me loose."
"Hey, is Jace one of those big guys with a tiny dick? I hear some women get conned into thinking they're fucking the Hulk and end up with Bruce Banner. Is that what happened to you?"
"When I get loose, I'm going to make you bleed, bitch."
"I'm taking that as a yes," she says and glances back at her returning sister. "Jace has a small dick. Sawyer admitted as much."
Rolling my eyes, I plan to make her cry. Colbie's face against my fist is gonna feel fucking fabulous.
"I know you're feeling vulnerable in your naked and abandoned state," Bodie says, and her face will be my second victim. "But life is hard."
Bodie sets a bag of chips and a beer on the bed before stepping back. "Be back later."
"Wait!"
"Sorry, babe. Before we free you, we need to ask Jace if he handcuffed you for sexy or sicko reasons. Depending on his answer, we'll totally come back and save you or we'll totally not come back and save you."
"Ciao," Colbie adds, shutting the door.
"Bitches!" I scream, but they're too busy laughing to hear me.
I try to pull my wrist free, but only manage to make the handcuff tighter. The cuff locked to the bedpost doesn't give either. If I were in a life and death situation, I'd tear the bed apart to get free.
Since I'm technically only pissed, rather than in danger, I settle against the headboard. Underneath my anger, I love Jace's certainty. No more playing passive, my guy is taking what he wants.
Chapter 28
Jace
Friends in Low Places
Pacing around downstairs, I don't care about club etiquette. Sawyer is mine. Stanley is just out of fucking luck. If he doesn't see things my way, I'm perfectly willing to bury him in the backyard where the twins claim they once dumped a werewolf.
Still pacing, I'm wondering about the werewolf thing when the twins race down the stairs.
"Are you Hannibal Lector?" Colbie asks, giggling. "Are you a hot Jigsaw?"
"Who?"
"The bad guy from Saw," Bodie answers, clearly unhappy I haven't seen and memorized every crappy horror movie ever.
When I stare hard at them, they sigh sadly in unison.
"Poor Jace," Colbie says in fake sympathy.
"Stanley is coming up the drive. You're not planning to harm him, are you?" Bodie asks. "That would not be a good move."
"I don't need to hurt him. He'll leave Sawyer alone, and that'll be the end of it."
"Sure, but you still have a problem with the Deadly Dumpling Gang. You didn't do a good enough job persuading Macaroni of your innocent intentions. Or he didn't do a good enough job convincing his club president Cheese. Either way, Lawdog is..."
Colbie howls "Lawdog" before Bodie continues.
"He's set up a meeting with you to see if he believes the Reapers are a threat to the Dump Faces."
"How come he set up a meeting with me, and this is the first time I'm hearing about it?"
"We've been busy. Didn't you see me trying to shove a football up Colbie's ass today?"
"So when is this meeting?"
"In a day or two. We'll go with you, so you won't pee your pants alone."
Before I can respond, Colbie throws open the door to reveal Stanley. He smiles like a guy hoping to get laid. Wearing a white shirt I plan to cover in blood, the pretty boy is holding a bouquet of flowers.
"For me?" Colbie asks, taking them. "You're such a tease."
Stanley gives her a fake smile. "Is Sawyer ready?"
Bodie looks at me and smirks. "This should be fun."
Stepping up to Stanley, I give him my best dark stare. "She's not going with you. Now leave."
"Where is she?"
"Handcuffed to the bed," Colbie announces then bops her sister on the head with the flowers. "You're it."
Bodie takes off after Colbie, and I appreciate their absence. Stanley and I stare at one another.
"Sawyer isn't going. Leave."
"Why is she handcuffed to a bed?"
"We were playing a sex game. Now leave."
"I want to hear from her that she wants me to leave."
"You can leave in one piece or I can put you back on your Harley in chunks."
Stanley only stares at me, not budging.
"You need to fuck off," I growl.
"The only way I'm leaving is if Sawyer tells me herself."
The twins run back into the room, and Colbie stops right in front of Stanley.
"What's it like to be dumped? Is it emotionally draining?" she asks tenderly. "Did you ever consider suicide to deal with your feelings of rejection?"
Stanley rolls his eyes at her comment while Bodie yanks me away from them. I frown down at the redhead, but she only laughs at my expression.
"You're like a Saint Bernard we used to have. He was huge, and his size scared people, but he was completely harmless. Just a big panting, drooling, adorable dummy."
"I'm kicking his ass."
"If you do, you'll make this club crap worse. I don't need you bringing your trouble to my house. I really don't need Macaroni throwing fits about how we're not respecting his authoritah," she says, doing an impression of Cartman from South Park.
"He's not going out with Sawyer."
"Oh, I know. I also know I could scare him away easy peasy. Instead, I'm putting on my Morpheus and teaching you the ways of manhood."
When I stare at her, she thinks about slapping me. I see her hand flexing. "From fucking Matrix. Have you ever seen any movie?"
"Yes, but I'm not interested in you being my Yoda. I want to kick his ass."
"Ask yourself why can't you scare him off with a stare? Or a threat? A real badass can do that shit. You're big, and I assume you've kicked ass before since you didn't get into the club by bringing Cooper flowers. Despite all that, no one is scared of you except maybe children, little people, and anyone in a wheelchair. Basically, people who might be squished if you fell on them."
"Bodie, if you have a point..."
"Your parents were killed, right? You must have all kinds of fucked up issues and anger that goes along with that kind of childhood trauma. I'm guessing you shoved those bad feelings deep down inside. Well, now you need to learn to channel them, so you can scare someone who isn't three feet tall."
"You're pissing me off."
"Yet you look more gassy than angry."
I open my mouth to say something. I'm not even sure what. I think I plan to tell her to shut up, but she speaks first.
"Imagine Stanley fucking Sawyer."
I glare harder at her, but she only turns my face towards Stanley.
"I see it," she says. "He's behind her, fucking her hard. Her curly hair is wrapped around his hand, and he's pulling her head back hard. Sawyer asks him to stop. She tells him to slow down and let go of her hair. He won't listen. He doesn't care. He just slaps her on the ass and keeps plowing her. Her cries of pain mean nothing to him. She's just a new pussy to enjoy."
Upon hearing her words, I feel a rage awaken inside me. I was grumpy when Stanley arrived. Now, I want to destroy him. Imagining hurting my woman makes me need to feel his fucking hot blood on my hands.
"Shivers," Bodie says, grinning next to me.
Stanley notices my gaze on him. He looks around nervously, making Colbie laugh.
"He's going to kill you," she says in a singsong voice.
"Look, just let me see Sawyer."
"Get the fuck out," I say in a voice shaking with rage. "Sawyer is mine."
Having never felt such rage, I'm lucky to form words. I've beaten on guys who messed with the club, yet I always remained in control. I can't stop thinking of him fucking Sawyer the way I did hours earlier. Hell, even if Stanley backs down, I want to kill him. Not only him, but anyone who so much as looks at Sawyer. She's mine, and I can't let her go again.
"Whatever," Stanley says, opening the door. "Later, McLaughlins."
"I like when your balls crawl up inside you. It's sexy," Colbie tells him.
I can't hear what he says, but she laughs. Bodie laughs too, even though I doubt she heard either. Watching Stanley go, I shake with the need to break his bones.
"Whoa, boy," Bodie says, throwing a drink in my face. I glare hard at her, but she just smiles. "Wanna fight?"
Colbie sighs. "Great, now he can't turn it off."
"Oh, he can. He just needs to think about puppies and kittens and fucking Sawyer. Rainbows might help too."
I take a deep, unsteady breathe. "You're not funny."
"Let me tell you a story," Bodie says, guiding me into the living room.
Giving a grunt, Colbie walks the opposite direction. "Boring."
Bodie and I sit while I struggle to stop thinking about Stanley fucking Sawyer. Hell, I'm even thinking about Ellie from the gala and every other man who ever glanced at Sawyer.
"As you've probably noticed, my parents aren't together, and my mom isn't around," Bodie says, handing me a towel to dry my face. "Mom was a wee lass when she arrived here from Ireland with big dreams about America. Mainly she was looking for cock she hadn't ridden yet. Yeah, Mom's a slut. Her fucking name is actually Jezebel."
I give her a look, and she winks. "So she met my dad, and they had a magical romance involving fucking against the car and the wall and with her bent over the car. Just heartwarming shit. After she got pregnant and couldn't run away and get an abortion, she gave birth to two beautiful children along with a third shitty one sporting a tiny dick."
Walkin
g past the room, Zane flips her off. Bodie grins at him and continues.
"After giving birth, Jez took her big fat check and returned to Ireland. For many years, I only knew of her as that slutty whore skank who gave me life. Then my dad fell hard for another stupid bitch whore who got it into her empty fucking head that I should get to know my mom and other Irish family. Technically, she thought the same about Colbie and Zane, but who cares about them?"
Listening to her story, I still imagine chasing after Stanley. He can't be too far away. Yeah, I bet I could catch him and tear his eyes out before Bodie even finishes her story.
"Pay attention," she says, snapping her fingers in my face. "I'm getting to the important part."
"About time."
"Save the moody shit for someone who cares."
We share a dark gaze, but Bodie isn't phased.
"I hated visiting my mother. I hated everything about her. I hated everything about her family. I hated everything about Ireland. Mostly, I hated how I couldn't kill anyone. I was stuck with stupid people without the ability to set a fire or nothing. It was a dark time in my life, but I learned a new trick. I call it my bottle of hate."
Bodie slaps me just above my gut. When I tense like I might hit her, she only rolls her eyes.
"I bottled my hate. Every time I wanted to slap someone or strangle someone or stick a fork in someone's face, I shoved the anger into the bottle. I'm sure a therapist would say it's not healthy to keep the hate hidden. In fact, my therapist said just that."
"You see a therapist?"
"Of course. People put up with a lot of shit if you tell them you're in therapy. They figure you're trying to get better. Anyway, not only did bottling the hate keep me from murdering my horrible mother and her stupid ass family. I was also able to access that hate when needed. The reason I don't lose fights is because I open the lid on my hate bottle and unleash years of pent-up bitchiness. When I set that shit loose, no one can beat me because I don't care if I live or die. The world gets real simple when you fear nothing."
Bodie leans back on the couch and kicks off her tennis shoes. "So even if I don't actually fight anyone, I can let out a bit of hate and scare the shit out of people. Just like you did with Stanley. Instead of relying on your size to intimidate an opponent, you set loose a little of your saved hate. I suspect you'd scare off just about anyone."