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  “What did you miss most?” Sydney asks after I finish the first slice.

  “Everything. You think it’d be one thing or another, but I missed it all. At first, I just missed being able to move around without some asshole telling me when to piss. You don’t think about how much freedom you have until it’s gone. My mom was always lenient and I was the type of person who never ran wild at school. I never felt strangled by authority until prison. Once a guy wants to bash your face in for breathing too loud, you realize your life isn’t your own anymore.”

  Sydney rests against the headboard. “Was it worth it?”

  “No.”

  “Why did you do it?” she asks softly.

  “A bitch and a dream.”

  Sydney sets her pizza in the plate and wipes her mouth. “I don’t want to put you on the spot, but I’m curious. You’re not like Cal. Or the other guys.”

  “I’ve been an asshole since I first opened my mouth. How am I not like them?” I say, chewing my food and not buying her bullshit.

  “I’m pretty good at reading people. At work, I know how to deal with customers. Like I can tell who is needy and who would rather me be invisible. With the club guys, I always know which ones will hurt me the most. I know which ones will want to share. Which ones need me to make a big deal out of how good they are.”

  “If you’re so fucking smart, how come you’re no one’s favorite?”

  Sydney doesn’t blink an eye at my tone. “I know what they want, but I’m not good at faking it. I mean, I try. I ooh and ahh. I moan like they’re the best ever. I do the whole performance, but I must not do it very well. They all know I’m faking it. Of course, I wouldn’t have to fake it if they were actually good.”

  “They don’t have to be good. That’s the problem. Pretty girls are the same way.”

  Grinning, Sydney eyes me. “Did you just say I was bad in bed or ugly?”

  “I didn’t say anything about you.”

  “Who were you thinking of when you said that?”

  “No one.”

  “Fine, don’t tell me,” she says, reaching for her slice.

  “Are you buddies with Wendi?” I ask and Sydney nearly chokes on her pizza.

  “Yeah, because the biker princess is going to slum it with a whore her dad bangs and her mom hates.”

  I grin at her laughter. Once Sydney calms down, she leans her head against my shoulder and sighs.

  “Bo, the comedian.”

  “I’m a riot,” I say, licking sauce from her lips. “Your tits jiggle real pretty when you laugh.”

  “Comedian and a poet, is there anything you can’t do?”

  Grinning, I finish another four slices of pizza. I struggle not to let Sydney’s beauty or fun demeanor trick me. The club sent me to her and I don’t trust them. They acted like she was a last choice fuck, but she’s sexy as hell. No way do guys not want this chick naked.

  “After my food settles, I’m fucking you again.”

  Sydney shows no reaction to my statement. She’s watching the neighbors outside the window. With the bright sun, we can see them, but they can’t see us. At least, I assume they can’t. Or they don’t care about embarrassing themselves fifteen feet from us.

  “Don’t let their stupid argument about where to eat fool you,” Sydney whispers in my ear. “They’re both cheating and they’re both suspicious.”

  The feel of her breath makes me hard and I don’t want to wait until my food settles. I don’t give a crap about her neighbors. I only care about how hot and wet her pussy was for me. Sydney stares at the neighbors through the screen then suddenly turns to me.

  Her gaze is too direct and I hate the feeling it gives me. When she smiles though, I can’t stop myself from returning it. The girl has a brilliant fucking smile.

  “Want to watch TV?” she whispers, stroking me. “I’ve never fucked to the nightly news before. You could be my first.”

  Grinning, I push aside the memories of Wendi conning me. I only see Sydney’s sweet smile and feel her warm hand. Here in this trailer, I’m a free man again.

  Chapter Four

  Bo

  Asshole in the Mirror

  Showing up at the trailer hours earlier, I didn’t plan to stay the night. I only wanted to get laid. Something happens though after we fuck on the couch while the news plays. We sit on the couch and watch reruns of shows I remember from my childhood. After the second episode of Friends, she brings the rest of the pizza to the living room and I finish it off. Relaxed here, I don’t want to leave. This feeling with a random chick is what I missed in prison. The sense of belonging and normalcy is what I craved the night before with Cal.

  I’m not stupid. I know Sydney is a club whore and it’s her job to make me happy. Job or not, she’s a warm host. I never go without a drink or something to eat. She knows when I want her body before I even move. The chick is always aware of my needs and I suspect she makes great tips at work with this talent.

  That night, I never ask to stay. I just don’t leave. The sun disappears and the trailer park gets louder. Romeo watches the action from his spot at the window. Sydney ignores the racket much like she ignores how I don’t leave. I even suspect she’s happy when I follow her to the bedroom at ten. We fuck again. Slowly like we’re in no hurry and I guess we aren’t. For tonight, I belong here with her and I don’t care how many other guys shared this bed or this woman.

  Sydney doesn’t doze off. She goes from wide awake one second to sound asleep the next. I’m looking at her when she closes her eyes and falls into a deep slumber. I watch her for a long time in the dark room and try to sleep too. The bed is pretty comfortable. Not the best I’ve ever enjoyed, but better than Cal’s couch or the bunk in prison. I still can’t sleep.

  The cat is bouncing around the trailer, running from the open window to the front door. He bounces on the bed each time he enters and I nearly kick him across the room.

  Lying on my back, I stare at the ceiling and listen to another set of neighbors arguing. It’s not a loud fight, but the annoying bickering between an old married couple. He doesn’t listen. She bitches too much. He fucked another chick when they were engaged. She kissed a guy years ago while drunk on New Year’s Eve. On it goes until I’m ready to scream for them to shut up.

  The trailer park is fucking loud at night. Harleys roar up and down the nearby road. People toss their trash in the dumpsters. A dog barks in a steady rhythm, likely agitated by whatever the fuck is giving the cat a damn fit.

  For hours, I struggle to sleep. It’s nicer here than Cal’s stuffy little apartment with the tap dancing upstairs neighbors. It’s better than in my cell with Gill crying in his sleep and the grunts of guys going at it in other cells. This trailer with the pretty girl sleeping next to me is a million times better, but I still can’t sleep.

  Thinking of Sydney’s pussy sticking up in the air for me, I imagine its flavor. Even as my mind races, my body feels good. Stomach full of pizza and cock sated after too long without, I’m relaxed physically.

  I turn onto my side and look at Sydney. She’s an angel in the moonlight. Hating how much I like her, I wonder if she plays all the guys the same way.

  Instead of letting my brain grab onto ugly thoughts of her fucking the rest of the club, I close my eyes and remember her lips on mine. I reduce all of my thoughts to the one kiss when her pretty lips caressed mine. No prison. No club. No trailer park with bickering lovers, idiot animals, and never ending dumpster banging. I’m in the single moment with Sydney and my mind finally relaxes enough for me to sleep.

  In my dream, I’m back in prison, standing by the fence near the back yard. I stare at a younger version of me. Both of us know he ruined our life and I’m the one left picking up the pieces. I hate him for making the decision leading me to prison. He hates me for letting the good part of him die in this place. Yeah, there’s a lot of mutual hate.

  Startled awake, I think I’m under attack and curse loudly. A startled Sydney nearly falls out
of bed. Not because of the stupid cat who jumped on the bed and woke me. She’s scared shitless of the angry man in her bed. I see her big eyes watching me in the darkness.

  “Fucking cat!” I yell, pushing past her to use the toilet. “You outta put it down.”

  While I take a piss then drink water from the sink, Sydney stands at the doorway. She looks ready to speak until a noise distracts her. I glance around the doorway to see a man disappearing into the other end of the trailer.

  “Who the fuck is that?”

  “My dad,” she says, sounding like she might cry.

  I stare hard at her until her gaze focuses on the ground and I realize she thinks I’m going to hit her.

  “Does your dad know you’re a whore?”

  Sydney returns her gaze to my face and I see irritation behind the fear.

  “Yeah. Are you leaving or staying the night?”

  “Did my brother get a more comfortable fucking couch at his place?”

  Sydney shrinks away at my tone then disappears into her room. After she’s gone, I stare in the mirror and understand her fear. My hair is sticking out everywhere and my beard makes me look rough. Hell, I look like an asshole a girl should fear.

  Washing my face, I use my wet hands to push back my hair and clean myself up. I look like a wet freak now, but I’m tired and give up.

  I return to the room to find Sydney sitting on the edge of the bed. Her hands rest in her lap and she looks sad.

  “Do you want to fuck?” she asks, looking up.

  “Are you asking because you think I want to fuck? Or do you hope fucking will keep me from being an asshole?”

  “Does it matter?”

  I give her a little grin and shake my head. “No, it doesn’t.”

  Cupping her face, I kiss her hard. She doesn’t hesitate, clearly ready to shut me up with her tongue. I press her back on the bed as her fingers tease my cock.

  The tension from my dream and being startled awake doesn’t go away until my cock is inside Sydney. The way she moans my name makes me feel more like a man than the monster I saw in the mirror. I fuck her slowly, wanting to enjoy every muscle tightening around my cock. In my foggy mind, I decide this girl is mine. No one existed before or after for us. She belongs to me and the rest of the club can fuck themselves.

  Later, I cuddle against her warm body and cup her tit. She’s returned to sleep in that instant way she does and I listen to her breathe. Once I slow my breathing to match hers, I doze off too. This time, I dream of pretty girls and supreme pizzas.

  Chapter Five

  Bo

  Missing the Smokes

  Waking up next to Sydney, I stretch for a long time before getting up. The entire time she’s awake, watching me. Finally, Sydney rolls out of bed and disappears into the bathroom. I hear the shower start and decide I need to clean off after a long sweaty night. Sydney grins when I join her, but says nothing until she moans my name as I make her come.

  Afterwards, Sydney remains in the shower, washing her hair while I get dressed. The door to her dad’s room is shut and I decide to get fresh air. In prison, I missed going outside whenever I want, so I sit on the stoop in front of Sydney’s trailer.

  The trailer park is quiet in the morning. No arguing couples or racket at the dumpsters. The only activity is a handful of kids waiting for the bus near the front of the park. Watching an old man walking a dog nearly as old as him, I imagine the choices that lead to finishing out a life in this dump. A nice depressing start to my day, I notice the old guy light a cigarette and get an itch to light one myself.

  Behind me the screen door opens and shuts quietly. Sydney has a soft way about her. Her steps are careful like a cat’s and I bet she was an ace at hide and seek as a kid.

  “I don’t have a lot of food in the house,” she says, sitting next to me. Her skin is clean and bright after the shower and I immediately want her naked in bed again. “If you want me to make you breakfast, there’s enough for eggs and toast.”

  Leaning over, I nuzzle her damp hair and get harder. “I’m not really hungry. Do you cook for all the club guys?”

  “They don’t usually sleep over unless they’ve had a fight with their old lady.”

  Sydney runs her fingers through my messy hair and pushes it from my eyes. When the old man walks past and mumbles a hello, she tells him good morning and says hello to the dog. Sydney’s the kind of girl to remember the name of an old man’s dog. The girl next door in the body of a club whore.

  “You have any cigarettes?” I ask, watching the old man light another one as he shuffles back to his trailer.

  Sydney shakes her head, but says nothing. Her lips are pretty irresistible and I lean over to suck on them. Sydney moans at my affection then smiles when I let go. Based on her expression, I feel like we’re two normal people after our first night together. I’m not thrilled to be conning myself into thinking this girl is special. She’s just the first pussy I’ve had in six years.

  “I used to smoke before I went to Hicks. Figure I might pick it back up now.”

  “Why?”

  “It’s relaxing.”

  Sydney rolls her eyes. “Other things are relaxing and cheaper.”

  “Working for Johnny should pay well enough.”

  “Why not save up your money and get a nice place to live, so you’re not stuck on Cal’s couch? Pissing away cash on cigarettes seems shortsighted.”

  “I’m not a planner. I just do what feels right.”

  Sydney doesn’t respond, but I see she wants to. I nudge her with my knee. “Say it.”

  “I was just thinking,” she mumbles as her ass scoots away from mine like I might go nuts and she’ll need to make a run for it. “Maybe your past way of thinking about stuff didn’t lead to the best results.”

  “Says the club whore.”

  Her eyes lose their warmth and I feel like a dick. She’s made my first night with a chick pretty fucking perfect while I made her first night with me pretty fucking annoying.

  “I’ll stay away from the cigarettes,” I say like that’ll fix the other stuff.

  Sydney studies my face in a way that makes me feel small. I wish she wasn’t so beautiful in the morning light, so I could make her feel small. I hate anyone having power over me.

  In prison, I was a number and others held my life in their hands. I’m a free man now and don’t want anyone controlling me. Sydney does though. She can’t fight me with fists or even words, but those eyes can make me feel like nothing. Yet if she smiles, I’m the best fucker in the world.

  “What are your plans for the day?” she asks, scooting closer.

  “Doing whatever Johnny has me doing.”

  “Will you be dropping by tonight?”

  I shrug like it hadn’t occurred to me. Sydney smiles though and I know she sees through my indifference.

  “I’ll take you out somewhere to eat,” I say, standing and pulling her to her feet. “Not like a date, but just a guy who wants to eat at a nice place and doesn’t want to go alone.”

  “There’s a lot of eating you need to make up for.”

  “There’s a lot of fucking too,” I whisper in her ear then nip at the lobe.

  “I have nowhere to be until ten.”

  Following her inside, I don’t worry about what Johnny has in mind for me because I’ll at least spend the evening somewhere safe. Sydney might be a club whore and her trailer is a dump, but it’s the closest thing to home I have these days.

  Chapter Six

  Sydney

  The Best Kind of Asshole

  Bo Phelps is a rude and downright mean asshole. Even knowing he’s no different than the rest of the assholes in the Gutters Motorcycle Club, I like him anyway. The fucker just makes me smile.

  For me, Bo is like a drug. His hard muscles go perfect against my soft curves. With his messy blond hair and shaggy beard, he’s an Adonis trapped in trailer park hell.

  The guy is addictive which terrifies me. My family is filled wi
th addicts. All of my life, I was warned to avoid what my addictive nature couldn’t deny. I don’t drink. Never smoke pot. Never party. Only fucked one guy before becoming a club whore. With things I can’t avoid like sugar, carbs, or caffeine, I refuse to treat them as forbidden. Once something has been denied, the addict hiding inside me might never stop eating them.

  After only one night, I don’t want to stop Bo.

  When I heard he was in town and likely to show up to fuck me, I imagined another Cal. A violent jerk that left me struggling to fake I want him inside the same room, let alone inside me.

  The brothers have the same nose, but that’s where the similarities end. Where Cal’s eyes are small and dark, his little brother has bright blue eyes that shine when he’s happy.

  I find myself wanting to make him smile. To please him the way I never can the other assholes. Even if he’s nothing more than a club guy using me until a favorite comes along, I still need to see those eyes shine.

  Walking up to the trailer the day before, I was shocked by Bo’s hotness. For the first time, fucking wasn’t something I endured.

  Of course, Bo was an asshole. Angry at the club and bitter about his life, he treated me like a piece of shit. Not always though. Sometimes, he forgot to be pissed and would touch me in a gentle way. Or look at me like I was too beautiful to believe. When he did those little things, I didn’t mind the mood swings.

  Those fleeting good moments are enough to satisfy me. Soon, my secret will be out and I’ll live with the consequences. Until then, I plan to enjoy the asshole.

  Chapter Seven

  Bo

  Johnny’s Errand Boy

  I lived my whole life without eating at Chili’s. I doubt I’m missing much, but I want to see Sydney and she’s at work. I’d rather have her naked under me than serving me lunch. I’d rather have a lot of things, but I’ll make due.

  After leaving the trailer, I find myself missing it. The place felt comfortable in a way nothing does anymore. I don’t plan to tell Sydney any of this info. She doesn’t need to know she has a pull over me. Especially how much I like the way Sydney smiles when she sees me.