In the Wind Read online

  Back in Ellsberg, he kept his distance, so I only saw him in passing. When he entered a room, I worked quickly to leave it. If I had to be around him like at a family function, I maneuvered myself to prevent us from having to speak. I was friends with his sisters Winnie and Harlow. He was a member of my family's motorcycle club. We existed in the same world, but avoided breathing the same air. When he dumped me, he tore my heart out, and I hated him for making me feel so low.

  Now, he's taking over my new life, and I hate him all over again.

  Chapter 8

  Jace

  Simple Man

  Sawyer's tantrum leaves me stuck at a table with three strangers who I suspect view me as no more important than a bug. A part of me keeps hoping Zane will stop looking at his phone and do a little male bonding. Anything to distract from the identical women dissecting me with their deceptively pretty gazes.

  "Why did you dump Sawyer?" Colbie asks because like the Johansson women she lacks a filter.

  "It's complicated."

  "No, it's not. It never is. Like when Zane dumped his girlfriend who was eaten by dogs. She left us to die, and he can't be with a woman who's disloyal."

  "Technically," Bodie says, "she dumped him when she ran off."

  "You'd think but no."

  Bodie and Zane share a grin while Colbie returns to making her point.

  "When Zane dumped the girl with worms, it was because she was gross and we made him. See how simple those reasons are? Now, share yours for dumping the gentle flower upstairs."

  "I was young."

  The siblings share a gaze, and I know my answer doesn't satisfy. If I wasn't a grown man, I'd run out of this house right now. A kid knows to be afraid and never thinks about looking cool. A man needs to hold his head up and stare into the eyes of weird people like these.

  "So you're saying dumping her was a youthful mistake?" Bodie asks.

  Yes, I think but don't dare say.

  "No, what I'm saying is Sawyer was my first girlfriend, and I wasn't ready for that kind of commitment," I mumble, hoping my relationship jargon satisfies them.

  "So you were horny for other women," Zane states, giving me a nod like we're friends now.

  "That makes you look like an asshole. No offense since I don't think you know you're an asshole," Colbie says. "I mean, you are though. You're a giant asshole who breaks girls' hearts because you wanted to stick your dick in a new hole."

  "She's paraphrasing," Bodie murmurs.

  "It's not really any of your business why we broke up."

  "You'd think that. So many people think stuff isn't our business. Then, after a sufficient amount of convincing, they realize they're wrong."

  "Are you threatening me?" I growl, glaring at Colbie.

  Smiling, she nods. "I like when you get all pissy. Looks good on you. So why did you dump Sawyer? You didn't really just want another hole, did you? I want to like you, but that's a schmuck move."

  With the three of them watching me, I struggle against the urge to squirm. I look over my shoulder to find Mama May Dee standing nearby, waiting for my answer. Hell, even the dogs are staring at me.

  "I don't know."

  "No, you really don't," Bodie says, standing up. "Don't feel bad about the inquisition. We ask people shit all the time."

  "You must be popular at parties," I mutter.

  "People never complain. Wanna guess why?"

  "Because you're crazy fuckers?"

  Bodie grins. "Yeah, that's about it."

  Standing up, Colbie and Zane carry their plates to the kitchen. Bodie follows them. Watching the siblings, I wonder if they share a hive mind. Or maybe they're so rich, they don't think to behave normally.

  I'm so desperate for a normal reaction that I look to the dog for reassurance. The Doberman stares back at me without a hint of pity.

  The siblings walk outside and the indifferent dog hurries after them. While they sit outside in the hot sun, I remain in the kitchen. Mama May Dee cleans up and leaves without speaking a word to me.

  I wait for nearly an hour for Sawyer to return. When she doesn't, I decide to leave once the siblings walk inside. Colbie mentions they'll see me at Dust Harbor for dinner. I thank her for lunch, but she's busy curling up on a couch.

  Driving away, I think about the day I ended things with Sawyer. My reasoning feels alien now, but I was certain back then. For all these months, I believed we were better off apart. I never asked myself why. Every time I missed Sawyer, I pretended I understood why I left her. Now, I feel stupid.

  Did I think dumping Sawyer would make me better in Cooper's eyes? He never seemed too bummed about us breaking up. Had my need to fit in and find acceptance led me to fuck up the best thing I had?

  Or was I just a loser? Stupid men make stupid decisions. Did I mess things up with Sawyer because I felt unworthy or because I felt she was unworthy? How could I not know why even after all this time?

  Until the day I left Sawyer, I was seeing the same therapist I'd worked with since the Todds adopted me. I stopped seeing him, telling Mom I didn't need a shrink anymore. In reality, I was afraid of what he'd tell me when I explained I'd left the woman I loved. Better for me to live in denial than hear the awful truth.

  For nine months, I successfully embraced a plan of not dealing with my actions. Now in Texas for less than two days, I find this strategy slipping out of my grasp.

  Chapter 9

  Sawyer

  Little Honey

  Hiding upstairs until I hear Jace's Harley roaring away, I peer out of the blinds to make sure he's really leaving. I relax slightly, yet my chest hurts. He was once my friend. Now, I hate him. Even sad over how everything turned out, I refuse to feel guilty for making him feel like shit. If he hadn't left me, I would have loved him forever.

  Downstairs, I find the siblings napping in the large family room. The dogs sleep too with only Bodie's cat licking his ass in the otherwise quiet room.

  I move through the house, looking for someone to distract me from the emptiness in my heart. In a smaller living room, Mama Hilde snores on the couch. When we first met, the Greek nanny said she would pray for my hair.

  Nearby, a snoring JJ stretches out in a La-Z-Boy. Snuggled in the chair, his wiener dog snores too.

  I find no one else awake in the quiet house. Part of me wants to explore this expansive property, but another part is afraid to get lost in the labyrinth. Returning to my bedroom, I remain restless.

  Before Jace showed up, I saw a chance to dig my way out of the grief from losing Pop. Now, I'm stuck missing my father while hating my first love.

  I dial my phone without thinking. Bailey answers on the second ring.

  "How's your vacation?" my sister asks.

  "I'm not on vacation. I'm moving here."

  "Okay."

  "How are the boys?" I ask, imagining Bailey's three sons with her too sweet for her husband Nick.

  "They miss you."

  "Really?"

  "No. Why would they?"

  "Why say that then?" I mutter.

  "I was trying to be nice."

  "Try harder."

  "I hear Texas has lots of weirdoes."

  "Look in the mirror."

  Bailey laughs. "I am, and the view is fabulous!"

  Her arrogance soothes me, and I laugh too. "I miss you."

  "I miss you too. It's weird, but I feel like the bitch level has fallen frighteningly low since you left."

  "Well, I'm not coming back. No matter what Cooper says."

  "Yeah, he's freaking out. I told him that you were on vacation, like Mom on her cruise. He says you shouldn't be alone."

  "So he sent Jace."

  "At least, you have someone sexy to look at."

  "Bitch."

  "It's been almost a year."

  "If a guy dumped you, would you let it go?"

  "Lots of guys dumped me."

  "Yeah, I know."

  Bailey says nothing for a minute. "Bitch."

  "I
need you to talk Cooper into changing his mind about Jace. I don't want him here."

  "That's the plan, I'm sure. He figures you'll come home to get away from Jace playing shadow."

  "I'm not coming home."

  "Why?"

  "Ellsberg sucks without Pop."

  "True," she says, and I hear the sadness in her voice. "I miss him too."

  "I like it here."

  "The McLaughlins are rich. They probably have a lot of fun too. I don't blame you for wanting to hang out there, but it's a short term fix."

  "Fix for what?"

  "For the pain. No matter how long or far you run, Sawyer, you'll never escape the loss." When I say nothing, she continues, "I forget he's gone sometimes. During the day when the boys and I run around town or we're swimming with Nick, I feel free. I even find myself thinking to call Pop or how we'll see him that weekend. Then, I remember, and the pain comes back. There's no escaping it. Even if you go slumming in Texas, you'll still suffer from what we lost."

  I know she's right. Our relationship has come a long way from when she drove me crazy, and I made Bailey tear out her hair.

  "I don't want to ruin this beautiful mood," I say, sighing, "but when you act sensitive, it makes me want to vomit."

  "You and me both, sister."

  Our laughter relaxes me. "I know you're right about Pop. I don't want to forget him. I never want him to be only a memory. In town, everyone goes on as if life is normal. Here, no one cares about Pop, so I don't get pissed about them being happy."

  "I'll talk to Cooper, but it won't do any good. His way of dealing with Pop being gone is to keep everyone super close. He freaked out when Farah didn't call exactly when he thought she would. He doesn't want the kids to leave the yard. He even worries about idiot Tucker, so you know he's off his fucking rocker."

  Even laughing quietly, I feel my depression growing. "I should go. I'll call you soon."

  "I know you're a tough bitch, and I know the McLaughlins are rich but be careful. You're not thinking straight, and they're supposed to be nuts. Not a great mix. I mean, I'd love to watch a train wreck if you weren't involved. I love you. You know, because I have to."

  "Right back at you. I'll watch my back."

  "Or Jace can."

  "Bitch."

  "I didn't want you to miss me too much, so I figured we'd end the call on an angry note."

  Hanging up on Bailey, I figure she'll view the dial tone as a win. I set down my phone and peer out the blinds again. Jace is long gone, but I stare at the road as if hoping he'll return. I'll never stop hating him for hurting me. I miss him though, and I probably always will.

  Fully depressed now, I crawl under the top blanket in the comfy bed and embrace the McLaughlin naptime tradition. Later tonight, I'll face Jace again. If I want to see him without bursting into tears or ripping out his eyes, I really should get a few hours rest.

  Chapter 10

  Jace

  My Favorite Mistake

  The hotel room is too quiet. Pacing around, I try to watch TV. When nothing settles my nerves, I take a walk in the hundred-degree heat. A block from the hotel rests the heart of Last Dollar. Main Street is lined with tiny restaurants of every variety. Who'd have thought I could find Thai food in such a tiny town? I walk down the street, wiping sweat with the back of my hand until I'm soaked.

  "Come and sit," an elderly woman says, patting a bench in front of a deli.

  After I join her, she shows me no more interest. Her little wrinkled fingers type furiously at her phone before she suddenly stands and wanders off.

  Left alone, I pull out my phone and dial. My older sister Harlow lives in Houston, and I decide I should talk to her about my Sawyer issues. The phone nearly slides out of my sweaty hands as I hear her answer.

  "How's Last Dollar?" she asks.

  "How did you know?"

  "Please," she says, and I can nearly see her smiling. "We have an Ellsberg phone tree going. The minute Sawyer was out of town, Farah told everyone, and Winnie told me. Bailey was the one who called to say Cooper sent you to bring Sawyer home. How's that going, by the way?"

  "She hates me."

  "I thought she'd be over that by now."

  "I did too, but it's like no time has passed. She's as mad now as she was the day I ended things."

  "She is Sawyer, so it's not like you didn't know what you were getting into."

  Nodding, I glance at the passing cars. "She claims she wants to stay here."

  "She's grieving. I'm sure she's saying a lot of things."

  "I don't know how to convince her to return to Ellsberg when I can't convince her not to hate me."

  Harlow sighs. "Jodi once said her kids were so stubborn that the only way she could convince them of anything was to stop trying and let them convince her. Maybe what you need to do is stop doing anything. Just relax and pretend you're on vacation too. Give her nothing to fight against. A relaxed Sawyer is a smart Sawyer. Let her figure out where her home really is."

  "That's a good idea."

  "I've been waiting to tell you my idea since I heard you were coming to Texas. I've had time to go over my advice with Rafael, so you're hearing the edited version."

  "Glad I didn't call right away then."

  "How are you handling spending time around Sawyer again?"

  "I wish she didn't hate me," I say like a dumb kid.

  "You hurt her. Sawyer spent her whole life protected from the ugliness in life. Do you remember that asshole who roughed you up during the paintball matches?"

  "Sure."

  "Her immediate reaction was to make the problem go away. When she didn't like school, her family kept her home. When she wanted something, she got it. Sawyer is tough in many ways, but she's never had to survive. You ending things was the first time life didn't bend to her will. She never really coped with that because she didn't need to. She wallowed in her anger. Now, she's lost her dad, and the pain might eat her up. Unless she learns life won't bend to her will like people do. Once she learns to accept things, she'll get over her anger at you."

  "She's not wrong to be angry at me though. I never warned her I wanted out."

  "I'm not going to explain why that is."

  "What does that mean?"

  "You always want to belong. I'm curious how you'll handle being in a place where you don't."

  "I liked it better when you were analyzing Sawyer."

  "Of course you did, little man."

  I laugh since a decade has passed since I got tall enough to stand over Harlow. Hearing voices in the background of the phone, I realize my nieces and nephew are home from school. I love imagining my sister happy in her suburban McMansion. Harlow found the right man and tossed aside the pain of her past. I figured I'd do the same eventually. Except the only woman I ever wanted was Sawyer, and I'd let her go.

  Chapter 11

  Sawyer

  One More Last Chance

  Dust Harbor is a bowling alley and ice skating rink. The siblings ignore the former, making a beeline for the pizza restaurant near the latter. I follow behind them silently. They're not speaking, but no doubt sharing silent insults. Colbie shoves Bodie at one point while Zane ducks out of their way.

  My mind on Jace, I keep checking the side door for his arrival. An elderly couple enters and a man with his teenagers. No Jace though.

  "Pizza toppings," Colbie says suddenly next to me.

  "I don't care."

  "I wonder what color shirt he'll wear," she says and sighs. "I hope it's tight." When I glare at her, Colbie smiles back at me. "Can you blame me for wanting pretty things to look at?"

  "Friends don't ogle friend's ex-boyfriends."

  "That doesn't sound like a real rule. So what kind of toppings do you want?"

  "Pepperoni."

  "Was that really so hard?" she asks, nudging me playfully. "Wouldn't it have been easier to just pick the topping without me making you jealous first?"

  "I'm not jealous."

  "Sure,
kitten," Colbie says, winking before returning to the pizza counter.

  I'm so busy glaring at the back of Colbie's head that I miss Jace entering the building. My first thought when catching sight of him is that his tee is gray. My second thought is he purposely picked a tight shirt to make me miss him.

  "Sawyer," he says, nodding at me before focusing his gaze on the siblings. "Are we bowling?"

  "Afraid?"

  "You're no better at it than me," he murmurs, smiling easily. "I'm guessing the twins are great bowlers."

  Colbie smiles from a nearby table where she sets down her drink and one for me. "Of course. We won the league championship two years in a row."

  "Our team name was Unicorn Rainbow Tears," Bodie says without a hint of humor. "We crushed everyone in our paths."

  "We decided to quit," Colbie whispers as if sharing a secret.

  "Why?" Jace asks.

  "Dad pointed out how the people on the other teams were losers, so winning the league championship might be the best moments of their lives. We have so much and really shouldn't steal away their chances to shine."

  "We retired for the betterment of mankind," Bodie adds.

  "Did mankind appreciate your efforts?" Jace asks.

  Colbie stares at him with her pretty eyes, and I want to punch her.

  "No, it really didn't. Of course, mankind is notoriously bitchy."

  Jace shares her smile, and my hand forms a fist. Even unsure who to punch, I can already feel the sweet pain of my knuckles meeting one of their faces.

  "What kind of toppings do you want on your greasy pizza?" Colbie asks Jace.

  They walk to the counter together, leaving me with no one to punch. I glance around and find Bodie grinning at me.

  "If you were smart," Bodie says, "you'd punch him. Jace won't fight back while Colbie always goes for the eyes."

  "I'll remember that."

  We sit at three small tables. Jace joins Colbie. I'm with Zane who ignores me. Bodie sits with her Doberman. When I ask how she can bring Lynyrd into the skating rink, she informs me she's visually impaired and dares me to prove otherwise.