Gentle On My Mind (Reapers MC: Pema Chapter Book 1) Read online

  Yes, I see the real him. Maverick isn’t perfect. He suffers from fear and rage like every other man. He’s fully human. I love everything he shows the world and also what he chooses to hide.

  THE SENTINEL

  I’m a mess of emotions. On the outside, I probably seem normal. Never have I been more relieved for my ability to hide my feelings well.

  Violet is in a great mood after we leave the jacuzzi. I keep expecting her to lose her shit or pull away. Of course, Violet’s baked, and a few orgasms are bound to relax a woman. Still, I’m on edge, assuming the worst is coming.

  Rather than a train wreck, the evening is a breeze. We hang out in bed. Each of us texts Shelby. I also message Avery to make sure she hasn’t destroyed my apartment.

  “Huh? Leave me alone!” is her response. Then, hours later, Avery texts, “I’m stealing your cat.”

  Still naked, Violet and I watch “Kick-Ass” on the room’s big screen while stretched out on the bed. She eventually changes position so she can rest on her stomach and swing her feet. She looks about five when she does that, making me uncomfortable with the boner I sport from seeing her naked ass pointed in my direction.

  Even with my arousal, I don’t instigate more sex. At first, I’m not sure why. Violet is in a relaxed mood. I could hug her to me, kiss her softly, and see her reaction.

  But I don’t. After an hour of my dick’s begging, I realize I’m scared of Violet Navarro. Asking her for what I want might send her spiraling. Maybe there’s only a ten percent chance of Violet reacting badly and an even smaller possibility of her dropping into such a dark place that I can’t pull her free.

  Yet, is sex really worth ruining our time in Pema? No, it’s not. I’m a man who prides himself on self-control. To catch my prey, I can hide in the cold and dark for long, boring hours with a growling stomach and a painful headache. Nothing breaks my concentration. Why would building a life with Violet involve any less commitment?

  Rather than give in to my lust like a schoolboy with his first hard dick, I focus on how the woman I love is stripped naked nearby. She trusts me enough to remain exposed. Not so long ago, we were one in the bathtub. Our first time wasn’t awkward or unsatisfying. The positives outweigh my painful erection.

  In fact, my only complaint about the entire night is walking around on the red shag carpet with my bare feet. I’m creeped out and often run from the tiled bathroom and dive into the bed as if I’m playing the “The Floor is Lava!” game.

  Violet’s blue eyes glow with amusement at the sight of me rubbing my feet off on the comforter. “I’ve found your kryptonite,” she finally whispers. “We can never let your enemies in on your shag carpet weakness.”

  Grinning, I finally give in to my desire to run my fingers down her bare back. Despite Violet’s calm demeanor, I’m afraid to relax around her. Yet, when she looks at me and smiles in that easygoing way, I’m a man barely holding on. Violet owns my heart, and I’m terrified I’ll ruin things between us.

  “My pussy feels empty,” she says as the movie draws to an end. “And you have that huge erection. Seems like you could fix both problems.”

  Without responding, I crawl to where she remains on her stomach. I kiss her shoulder and nuzzle her throat. My cock twitches at the feel of her soft skin. Violet sighs when I lift her hips enough to rest my hand under her pussy. When my finger caresses her clit, she grips the sheets and groans into the blanket.

  My dick sinks into her wet pussy with two thrusts. Pausing, I enjoy her muscles tightening around me. I lean on my elbows, allowing my other hand to cup her left tit while the fingers on my right tease her swollen clit. Moving inside her, I take my time. I’m so hard I couldn’t come fast even if I wanted.

  Under me, Violet whimpers and shivers at the pleasure of each thrust. Her nipple is hard between my fingers. Each gentle pinch makes her pussy clench tighter. I fuck her slow and deep, noticing how she moans approvingly when the head of my cock bottoms out.

  Violet comes hard, groaning deep in her chest. Once she catches her breath, I thrust faster.

  “Maverick, it feels so good,” she says, sounding surprised despite our earlier fuck.

  Violet’s pussy clenching wildly whenever I pinch her nipple or give her clit a rough flick. Realizing what she craves, I press deep with each thrust. She whimpers and begs for more. Her pussy is so fucking hot and wet. My hand is drenched in her juices as I’m close to coming.

  “I love you,” I whisper in her ear, reassuring Violet despite how hard my hips slam against her.

  “Oh, Maverick!” she cries, and I smile at the raw need in her voice.

  Submitting to my pinching fingers and hard thrusts, Violet’s body convulses with pleasure. Her pussy spasms so hard I finally empty my balls. Her face hides in the blanket, muffling her wild moans.

  I climb off her, but Violet doesn’t move immediately. When she finally lifts her face and searches for me next to her, I’m unsure what her gaze means.

  “I still feel you inside me.”

  “Was it too much?”

  “I need you to do that again soon,” she murmurs before hiding her face in the blanket again and falling silent.

  An hour later, before her sleeping pill kicks in, I spread Violet out on the bed and finger fuck her pussy while my teeth tease her hard pink nipples. She comes hard after my knuckle roughly caresses her clit.

  Shivering with pleasure, Violet says nothing when I climb off the bed and slide her ass to the mattress’s edge. Her pink flesh is wet and swollen from our earlier fucks. My fingers open her up, and I suck at her overstimulated clit. Violet whimpers, begging for more. I’m a man on a mission now. If the world falls apart and I lose this woman, I want our last night together to be memorable.

  Maneuvering her onto her stomach, I admire her pale ass hanging off the bed.

  “I love you, Maverick,” Violet says, reassuring me as I dip a finger inside her wet pussy. “You don’t have to hold back.”

  My soaked thumb circles her pink puckered asshole, making Violet groan. My fingers dip inside her pussy again. Drenched now, they coat her asshole until I can wiggle my thumb inside.

  Violet moans wildly, sounding scared yet begging me not to stop. I suspect she wants me to fuck her anally. Yet, we don’t have lubricant. Instead, I fuck her ass with my thumb while my cock disappears inside her pussy.

  Thrusting deeply, I smile at how Violet tears the sheets loose. Soon, she lets out a pained animalistic cry when my free hand slides under her hip and finds her clit. “It’s too much,” she whimpers before begging, “Don’t stop.”

  For ten minutes, I keep Violet pinned under me. My right hand fingers her ass, the left teases her clit. My cock relishes her pussy’s wild spasms. Every thrust is better than the last. I’m dizzy by the time she comes again and brings me with her. I jizz so hard I’m out of breath by the last thrust.

  As soon as my fingers and cock leave her, Violet flips over and reaches for me with her shaking hands. She looks terrified, nearly broken from the pleasure.

  “I love you,” she whispers, kissing me as if she’s been doing it for years. “I can’t believe my body can feel this way.”

  Despite her smiles and encouraging words, Violet shakes badly. Both after we fuck and, in the shower, where I soap up her tender pussy, and she strokes my cock into another erection. She’s still trembling when I fuck her one last time as her pill kicks in, leaving her to enjoy a sleepy orgasm.

  Violet crashes into sleep once our naked bodies are cuddled under the blankets. Yet, all night, I can only doze. I’m startled by every noise and worried she might be upset. As usual after her sleeping pill, Violet never stirs. In the weeks we’ve lived together, I’ve rarely seen her up at night. Despite knowing she’s safe, I can’t relax.

  The next morning, Violet wakes up rested while I yawn all the way to the sparse breakfast offered in the downstairs buffet. My fatigue explains why I take a long time to realize Violet’s upset. I’m two cups into the buffet’s w
eak-ass coffee before I notice her glaring at me.

  I run through the possible reasons for her mood shift. I was too rough last night. I misread her signals. She feels used after I got laid. Or possibly she’s annoyed by my yawning.

  I ask if she wants something else to eat, but she only shakes her head. I ask if she’s sore. She frowns at this question. Finally, I suggest we visit Pema every week until we’re ready to move.

  Violet’s expression shifts, and her gaze warms. I don’t know if she even realized she was upset. But I clearly found her pressure point. She doesn’t want to leave Pema.

  “It’ll be our home before we even move here,” she says, and I smile at her grinning face.

  I hadn’t been sure if Violet was capable of surviving away from Shasta. She adores Shelby, and her support system is there. But Violet craves the freedom Pema offers.

  “I’m relieved you like this town,” I say softly while leaning forward since I feel exposed in the open dining area. “I think we could build something great in this little town.”

  Violet’s smile is a gift I plan to hold on to for the rest of my life. I’ve spent months making plans that I wasn’t sure would come together. I used to wake up, worrying Violet had a breakdown the night before and killed herself before anyone could help her. Those concerns lessened once she spent more nights at my place and Shelby’s. Still, a part of me accepted how I’d lose Violet. She’d never truly be mine. Violet was on borrowed time.

  But the last twenty-four hours give me concrete hope. No doubt, Violet will get weird over the next few days, both from the sex and returning to Shasta. Still, she is calm today. Completely sober, too.

  Admittedly, returning to Shasta feels like a downer. Had I any idea she would enjoy herself in Pema so much, I’d have planned a longer trip. The drive back to Shasta is as quiet as the one to Pema. Violet rarely talks just to talk. But on the way back home, she doesn’t bite her hands or stare terrified out the window. If anything, Violet seems a little sad.

  “Next time, we can stay a few extra days,” I say as we enter Shasta’s town limits. “Start looking for an apartment, too.”

  “Hopefully not one with shag carpet,” Violet teases in a soft voice.

  As I park my truck next to Avery’s blue metallic Ford Expedition, I ask Violet to text my sister to find out where she’s currently located.

  “No matter how natural nudity is, I’d prefer not to walk in on Avery running around naked,” I tell Violet who giggles at the thought of my sister and niece dancing bare-assed around our apartment.

  “She’s in the restaurant, eating lunch,” Violet says and shoves her phone in her jeans pocket. “Can we dance around naked when we have the apartment alone?”

  “I never dance,” I mutter, and Violet laughs harder this time. “But you dancing naked sounds like a good evening.”

  We leave our bags in the truck. When I nearly reach for Violet’s hand before catching myself, she notices and pouts. Violet really likes holding hands. She never had a boyfriend in school, so all those adolescent romantic milestones get attached to her grown-up feelings for me. That’s likely why our inability to hold hands in Shasta takes on more importance.

  Inside Max’s Tacos, I spot my sister-in-law and the restaurant’s namesake in the back at the grill. There’s one customer at the front booth, reading on his phone. Shane’s wife, Ramona, is a DJ at the local station, and her set plays overhead as we enter.

  Standing in the back booth, my niece sways to the music while her mom does the same next to her. I don’t know why they feel dancing in public is necessary, but I sense Avery is just bored a lot.

  “Hello, siblings,” she says to Violet and me. “Nice trip?”

  Nodding, Violet says hello to Io, who jiggles to a song by The Doors. The girl smiles and shows off her string bracelet.

  “Is that one of those sweet butt things?” I ask Avery.

  “Yes, she’s serviced many men, and they were pleased.”

  “You’re weird and gross,” I grumble.

  Avery mocks me—literally points and fucking laughs. “She’s not even two. In a week, she won’t remember she has the bracelet. You need to slide on your big boy britches and stop stressing life.” Then, Avery leans forward and whispers, “Glad you finally got some.”

  “Leave me alone.”

  “Don’t be shy. For months, you were like a surly old dog. Now, you’re an excited puppy bouncing through his day.”

  “I’m acting exactly as I always do.”

  “It’s in the eyes, boy.”

  “You need a man.”

  “Never,” she growls.

  Overhearing her mother’s tone, Io instantly makes her monster face-and-hands combo before growling, too. Violet imitates her. Soon, they’re barking and howling.

  Max pokes her head out of the kitchen to see if we’re scaring away her customer.

  “He already paid,” Avery reassures the younger blonde. “Let him run in fear of these wild women.”

  Io probably doesn’t understand half of what comes out of her mother’s mouth, but she loves every word nonetheless.

  “We’ll leave tomorrow,” Avery insists. “No, we will not stay tonight at River’s house or at the Victorian, so don’t ask.”

  “What do I care?”

  “I just don’t want you thinking I’ll cramp your love life, little brother.”

  “Never crossed my mind.”

  “You’re the worst liar,” she mutters as her green eyes flash with amusement. “I really ought to tell on you to Mom. She raised you better.”

  Before I can bail on the restaurant, I’m surrounded by dancing blondes with Violet and Avery moving around me as if we’re at a fucking disco. Meanwhile, Io claps her hands. None of them seems capable of keeping rhythm.

  “Join in, robot,” Avery taunts, but I refuse to move.

  As annoying as my sister can be, she helps build Violet’s confidence. Rather than pouting over how we can’t hold hands, my girl is now goofing around and making the best out of returning to Shasta.

  THE CHAPTER WHERE SHASTA SNAPS BACK

  THE GHOST

  I adore babies and children. I’d have eight of them like Maverick’s mom if I could do it without getting pregnant. I’m afraid to have a human being growing inside me. I spent years fearing pregnancy with Husband. He was constantly giving me pills and saying I’d end up sterile. In my mind, avoiding pregnancy is equivalent to sidestepping the plague. I just can’t imagine wanting to see a positive test.

  But I do love playing with kids cooked in other women’s bellies. One of my biggest regrets about moving to Pema is that I won’t see Shelby’s babies every day. Not-yet-born Caen won’t know me like Kirby does. Also, Shelby needs someone around to help her, yet I’ll be a hundred miles away.

  Feeling guilty, I stand in the center of the apartment’s wide living room and stare at where Io plays with Corky. The cat circles the little girl who keeps trying to pet the moving animal’s head. I won’t be around when Kirby is Io’s age. Maverick won’t be around when River’s kids are growing up.

  Because I’m too weak to remain in Shasta, how many people will suffer?

  “Io gets her wavy hair from her father’s side of the family,” Avery says, pressing against my back and wrapping her arms around the front of me. “I saw a picture of Bjorn’s aunt and her wild waves. Aren’t genetics weird? I have plenty of people in my family for her hair to imitate, but she gets the waves of a woman she’ll never know.”

  Avery’s words echo in my head, struggling against the dark voices already speaking to me.

  “Alexa, play ‘Steal My Sunshine,’ please,” Avery says, and the song soon has Io wiggling.

  “How come you say please to the machine but not to people?” Maverick asks after setting my suitcase in my room.

  “I thank people all the fucking time, Mav. Don’t start with me.”

  Io gives her uncle a dirty look, despite not knowing why he got the growl from her mom. I
smile at her expression as the gray clouds break in my mind. Breathing easier now, I pat Avery’s hand and smile back at her. She sees me calm again and backs off. I offer Maverick a reassuring smile before sitting on the floor with Io.

  While I play with her daughter, Avery works in the kitchen, cutting cucumbers and tomatoes she bought from the store while we were gone.

  “What will you do with the apartment after you move?” Avery asks Maverick.

  “Oliver is thinking about moving here to open up his own tattoo shop. The storefront downstairs is available, and he likes tacos. Will depend on if he can deal with the trains.”

  Nodding at the idea of her cousin moving to Shasta, Avery returns to fixing a veggie lunch. Nearby, Maverick starts unpacking. He throws his dirty clothes in the unit’s washing machine hidden in a closet. I think to do the same, but my mood isn’t calm enough for me to go about my day yet. I decide to focus very hard on Avery and her little girl.

  They have such a close relationship. Savannah’s son, Pollux, isn’t as attached to his mom. He seems more outgoing, friendlier with people. He’s just as likely to climb into his father’s lap or follow around Grampa Vaughn. However, Io must remain near her mother. I once tried to take her for a walk. She was happy until she realized Avery wasn’t coming, too. Then, she did her monster routine for real.

  Having a child under foot twenty-four-seven must be exhausting. I think that’s the real reason Avery’s always fighting with Savannah and Bjorn. Everyone figures she’s smarting from Bran’s rejection. Yet, I suspect she gets worn out from Io’s never-ending adulation. Since she can’t yell at her precious angel, she calls her twin sister “the secretions of a Southern belle’s diseased pussy.”