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  Once in bed, we don’t fuck. I just wrap her in my arms and listen to her breathing in the darkness. Even bothered by all the truth, Sydney finally sleeps. Following her breathing, I crash soon afterwards. Though I hold her all night, I feel her slipping away and into the hands of my enemies.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Bo

  Where Dad Was His Best

  After I stop the Harley near a small pond I visited as a kid with my dad and Cal, Sydney slides off the bike then looks around. Her hair is a mess around her face and I have to kiss her. Once my lips are on hers, she meets my need eagerly. Her hands yank up my shirt and I realize she’s willing to get frisky. Yet when I try to yank up her shirt, I realize I’m wrong.

  “Don’t be pervy,” she says, grinning at me then glancing at honking geese. “Why here?”

  “This is where I ditch my victims’ bodies.”

  Sydney rolls her eyes then walks to the pond and sits on a large rock. “It’s pretty.”

  “I used to fish out here with my dad.”

  Sydney’s expression softens. “What was he like?”

  “I’m not going to lie and make him out to be a saint. He drank too much and probably fucked other chicks. He also worked hard for the family and I know he loved us.”

  Sydney studies me then smiles. “I like that you have good memories of him. Did he take you fishing a lot?”

  “Dad was a trucker. When he was in town, he’d pick me and Cal up from school a few times a month and bring us here. A few other places too. We never kept what we caught. We’d mostly talk about stuff. School and cars. Cal would talk about girls¸ but I still thought they were gross back then.”

  Smiling, Sydney picks up a small rock and skips it along the water. The geese nearby honk at her and flap their wings, but don’t leave. I join her at the edge and take a rock. Mine flies halfway across the pond and drops like lead.

  “You’re doing it wrong,” she says, handing me another rock. “Relax your arm.”

  “Stop bossing me around.”

  “No,” she murmurs, wrapping her arms around my waist.

  The second rock does the same as the first and Sydney grins against my chest. I know she’s laughing at me, but I don’t care. The morning air feels nearly as good as Sydney does in my arms.

  “Why are you so tense?” she asks.

  “I’m not.”

  “I’m feeling you up right now, so I’d know if you’re tense.”

  “Do you want me to fuck you right here in the open?”

  Sydney stares into my eyes and I see her digging inside my head, figuring me out. A smile spreads over her lovely face then she rests her head on my chest.

  “Relax,” she whispers, stroking my back. “You’re not locked up anymore. You’re free.”

  “Am I? It doesn’t feel that way.”

  “Why don’t you leave the Grove?” she asks, staring up at me again. “Your mom is gone. You don’t like your brother and you hate being an errand boy. If this place is suffocating you, take off and don’t look back.”

  “Just like that?” I ask, hating how she keeps wanting me to leave her.

  Sydney’s expression darkens and I notice how she looks around as if someone might be listening.

  “The Gutters don’t think of you as one of them.”

  “Fucking duh, Syd,” I say, even though her words hit me.

  “They figure you know they killed your dad. All these years, they worried you’d want revenge. I think you know that too.”

  Glaring at her, I’m angry at her for saying out loud what I’ve always silently feared. “I used to say I wanted to show Wendi my worth or make my bones with the club. That stuff is true too, but I also wanted to make clear I wasn’t going to make anyone pay for what they did to my dad.”

  Sydney caresses my face and I struggle to remain pissed. Rage makes life bearable. When I’m calm, I realize what I’ve lost and what life still wants to take from me including the beautiful girl soothing my anger.

  “When Kelly kills someone again and they need a scapegoat, they’ll dump that on you.”

  “I’m not doing more time for that psycho.”

  “I know,” she says and I see fear in her eyes. “They know too.”

  “Say the words,” I whisper.

  “They’ll kill you and pin Kelly’s shit on you.”

  “So I should run.”

  Sydney just nods and I see her struggling against tears. “You gave up so much for them already. Your dad and six years of missed opportunities. I don’t want you to lose anything else.”

  “Without my mom, there’s nothing here,” I say, but I know it’s a lie.

  “Is there somewhere you could move to?”

  Nodding, I lead her back to the bike. “I met a guy in prison. Teddy was from Wyoming and has a couple of businesses including an auto shop. He was driving through Georgia on vacation and got into a fight with some old fucker. Teddy ended up doing a year for assault. After I watched his back in prison, he said I had a job waiting in Wyoming if I wanted it.”

  “Wyoming,” she whispers like the word has power. “No one will know you or the Gutters. A brand new start.”

  A part of me wants to ask her to come with me, but I already know her answer and I don’t want to hear it again.

  “Let’s go grab some breakfast,” I say as she climbs on behind me.

  Sydney’s embrace is tight as if she’s afraid. By the time we arrive at a Waffle House, Sydney looks depressed. I take her hand like she’s my woman and belongs to me alone. She glances down at her hand in mine then smiles.

  “I wasn’t always an asshole,” I tell her as we wait to be seated.

  Smiling wider now, she keeps grinning while looking over the menu. Once we order, she studies me.

  “I wonder what would have happened if you didn’t go to prison? Like would we have met when I moved here and before the stuff with the club? I bet you wouldn’t have even noticed me.”

  “Bullshit,” I say, leaning back in the booth. “I would have noticed you. I would have wanted you too. You know what else?”

  “What?” she asks, twirling her hair.

  Resting my hands in the middle of the table, I stare into her eyes. “I’d have charmed the shit out of you and made you mine.”

  “You would, huh?”

  “Oh, yeah. I was quite the charmer in high school. Hell, I could just wink at a chick and her panties would drop to the floor.”

  “I bet you could. Guys like you scared the shit out of me growing up.”

  “Do I scare you now, Sydney?”

  “Nope. You’ve lost your mojo.”

  Her smile makes me laugh and I feel the weight of this place lift off me. Wanting her feels easier now that I stop struggling against the need. Her life belongs to the Gutters, but her heart is all mine.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Bo

  Looking Respectable

  Sydney was always fixing my hair and beard. I knew I looked like a mess and she never complained, but I decide I need a change. In between errands for Johnny, I stop by a barber shop where a few old timers drink Whiskey at noon and talk about the cute girls at the middle school down the road. More evidence the Grove is going to shit.

  I tell the barber to clean me up. While I don’t want to go super skinhead short, I’m looking to get rid of the homeless look I’ve been working since prison. He cuts my hair until I look more like high school Bo. Next, the guy leans me back to shave off my beard. He even applies a hot towel to my face afterwards to soothe my skin.

  My vision is blurry when he removes the towel, but I recognize Cal’s voice.

  “Look at the pretty boy.”

  Turning towards him, I figure I’m about to get my ass kicked for bailing on the date or scaring poor Jerry. I only find Cal sitting in the chair next to mine. Have they sent him alone to kick my ass? Or will my brother just get it over with and kill me?

  “You always were jealous of my looks,” I say, sitting up. �
��Candy ass.”

  Cal grins. “You about done? We need to talk.”

  “About Becks?”

  “Diarrhea happens, man.”

  Cal stands up and pays my bill then waits at the door for me. I walk out assuming the worst. He’s relaxed like a man with nowhere to go rather than someone looking to make me bleed.

  “Let’s get coffee,” he says, walking away. “I was up late last night listening to my girl bitch about how parents just don’t understand.”

  “Which girl?

  Glancing over his shoulder, he smirks. “Does it matter?”

  We enter a Starbucks and Cal orders himself a giant coffee. I get a small one. He has me too nervous to begin with and I don’t need caffeine making it worse.

  “Sydney’s your favorite,” he says, sitting back in a booth. “You ought to have said something, so Jerry didn’t piss himself and ruin a good pair of jeans.”

  “You said liking her made me look weak.”

  “It does, but everyone looks weak, Bo. I get shit for hitting my girlfriends, even though the guys in charge do worse to their women. They’re always judging us because they’re bored bitches.”

  “Fine, Sydney’s my favorite. I feel comfortable at her place and she doesn’t pressure me like a real girlfriend would.”

  Cal nods like he believes I’m not hooked on Sydney. “Snake tells everyone you’re like a son to him. He says you’re solid.”

  “And you don’t agree?”

  “You’re not his son,” Cal mutters, taking a sip of his coffee. “You’re Lucas’s son. Just like I’m my father’s boy. The apple never falls far, you know.”

  “I feel like you’ve got a point, but I don’t know what it is.”

  “Can’t a big bro talk to his shitty little brother?”

  Even tense, I grin. “You didn’t want to talk when I got out. What brought on this touchy-feely shit?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about Mom a lot since you got out. You have her eyes and I got to thinking how she was at the end.”

  “I wouldn’t know.”

  Cal studies me with his rat eyes. “She wanted to bust you out,” he says in a low voice. “The chemo and radiation ate away at her and she got weird at the end. Just said whatever popped into her head. No filter and that made Snake and the club nervous. She kept saying her boy shouldn’t be doing time for someone else’s crime. Said you needed to set the record straight and get free. Snake told her it wasn’t that easy, but she wouldn’t listen.”

  Cal downs a lot of coffee, even though I can tell it’s hot. “She was in a lot of pain those last few months. Crazy from the pain and meds, she wanted to tell everyone you were innocent. She kept saying Kelly ought to rot in prison, not you.”

  Cal’s gaze meets mine and locks on real hard. “You can imagine that didn’t go over well with Johnny and Diane.”

  “No, I guess it wouldn’t.”

  “Snake is an evil fuck, but he loved Mom. He kept her locked up in the house until she died to avoid Johnny or Diane getting hold of her.” Cal leans forward and his eyes narrow. “That cunt Diane thought Mom had snitched, so she wanted to torture her for info. Can you believe that shit? Torturing a woman dying of cancer. Diane is as evil a person as I’ve ever met, but she’s all talk. Johnny would have done it though, so Snake kept Mom locked in the house and away from people,” he said then added, “And you.”

  “Why are you telling me this now?” I whisper. “Why stir up shit when I can only want vengeance?”

  Cal crosses his arms and gets a far off look in his eyes. “This place isn’t what I remember from when we were kids. It was never a paradise, but there were rules. Bad people got fucked. Good people got left alone. There was a line and the Gutters never crossed it. Now, they don’t care. No one does. The end is coming and I don’t know if I want to be around to see it.”

  “The end?”

  Cal glances around then leans forward. “Months before you got out, we were in north Georgia, making nice with a club there called the Patriots. The president is a fat fuck who laughs like he thinks he’s Santa. Harmless, Johnny thought, but the club is full of former military guys. Anyway, fat fuck’s second in charge looks like a damn nerd. Glasses and a stupid haircut. Not a club guy at all, but he’s good with weapons apparently. Johnny never said anything about fucking with these guys, but I got the vibe we were scoping out their territory. Once we’re there though and see these guys are hardcore, he realizes the club ain’t to be messed with.”

  Looking tired, Cal finishes his coffee. “The night before we leave, these guys had us scared with their stockpiles of weapons and talk of war with the cops. Even knowing they’re wild fuckers, Kelly goes off with the VP’s daughter. She’s a chubby girl with a big smile and clearly a real daddy’s girl. She was sweet to us and trusting because her daddy is a scary fuck. Even knowing all this shit, Kelly went off with her. No one except me saw them walk into the woods. Kelly had her talking about horses like they were just two friends chatting away.”

  Cal rubs his eyes, seeming tired. “We left the next day before anyone realized the girl was gone and not coming back. I never told Johnny or the others what I saw, but Kelly knows. He also knows they’ll find that girl’s body one day soon. When they do, the Grove will bleed. Men like that don’t forgive a loss of their own. Especially not a guy like the VP who looked at his daughter like she was a fucking princess.”

  “They must know it was one of the club already.”

  “Yeah, but they’ve held back thinking maybe she ran off with one of the guys and will come home. Once they realize she was raped and killed then tossed aside like trash, they’re going to need someone to die. Johnny will sell out anyone to protect his club. Anyone except Kelly. I’m not waiting around for the shit to hit the fan.”

  “You’re just leaving?”

  “Yeah. I’ve been pinching pennies since that trip to the camp. I don’t know why I’ve waited except I figured you were getting out.”

  Cal gives me a nasty grin. “You had me fooled, brother. All those cold expressions and dead eyes made me think you were a Gutter for life. The diarrhea move gave you away. You’re still the kid I knew before prison, so I’m telling you this and giving you a chance to run too. Nothing will be left in the Grove once the Patriots are done with the Gutters.”

  “Are you taking any of your girls with you?” I ask when he stands.

  “No. They see me the way I am here. I figure I can start over and be someone else. Do something different in a new place where no one knows my father was a loser. I need a new girl who sees the new me.”

  “When you leaving?”

  Walking outside, Cal lowers his voice. “This weekend is Wendi’s birthday and everyone will be drunk from celebrating. I’ll take off then call to say I met a chick and we’re out partying. That ought to give you some time to decide if you want to stick around.”

  We stop by our Harleys and Cal sighs. “I’m not a good guy and I ain’t going to pretend otherwise. I just know those fuckers messed with my family. I didn’t care when Snake killed your dad because it was just one fake dad replaced by another one for me. Messing with Mom was fucked up. The woman just wanted to tell her boy goodbye and that she loved him. The Gutters took that from her and I’m not sticking around to die for their bullshit.”

  “Thanks,” I say and he nods.

  We don’t hug or pretend we’re bound by anything more than blood. Whatever we had as kids is gone now. Even if Cal is a stranger to me, he just gave me a gift by confirming what Sydney said about Mom.

  I watch my brother ride away and can’t be sure what to do anymore. Running isn’t possible without Sydney and her dad won’t travel. Maybe when the shit hits the fan for the Gutters, Mike will realize his options and we can escape this shithole. I just hope his grand awakening doesn’t come too late.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Sydney

  Picking Sides

  Hair cut and face shaved, Bo looks like a
new man. I could barely keep my hands off him all night. He teased me repeatedly for my shallowness, but never told me no when I wanted more.

  When Johnny walks into Chili’s, I sense he has Bo on his mind too. He hasn’t visited me at work since I first agreed to be a club whore. Back then, Johnny came by to announce he was joining me that evening. “Breaking me in” were his exact words.

  I walk him to a booth in the back and give him my best fake smile. Johnny returns it, but he no longer looks as handsome as when I first met him. These days, I see the vicious fucker behind the rugged tan face and smoky gray eyes.

  “Heard you’re being sweet to Bo. I didn’t think you had that in you.”

  My fake smile falters. “Why? I’m not mean, am I?”

  “No, but you have trouble acting like you enjoy fucking. Guys are always complaining that you never come. Figured you might be into girls.”

  “I’m not.”

  “Good thing since I like how you’ve been keeping Bo busy.”

  “He’s easy to please after so long in jail.”

  Johnny nods then glances around like someone might be listening in. “He ever bitch about stuff?”

  “He can’t figure out an iPhone.”

  Johnny gives me a little smile. “I mean like about his job or the club.”

  My whole body flushes with fear and I go on autopilot. They have Bo on their radar and what I say next could sentence him to an early death.

  “Bo’s a grumpy guy, but he seems happy. He loves his Harley.”

  “What’s he say about Snake?”

  Shrugging, I try to sound casual. “It’s a love hate thing. One minute he’s pissed about not seeing his mom then he’s talking about how cool Snake was when he was growing up. How Snake showed him how to do this thing or that thing. I think he idolizes him, but doesn’t want to admit it.”

  “He resents Snake for the mom?”

  I lean forward and sigh. “Bo is having trouble dealing with her dying. He gets pissed whenever anyone talks about their mom.”